


Young Blood

by alphie33



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post TLJ, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey and Ben need a 'get along' shirt, Slow Burn, alcohol use, ben needs a hug, rey is on a secret mission, rey needs a vacation tbh, tipsy!rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-08-23 19:20:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16624925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphie33/pseuds/alphie33
Summary: Rey is struggling to figure out just where exactly she fits in with the Resistance. Kylo Ren just wants to finish what his Grandfather started.Excerpt:There was no denying the truth. Rey was nothing. She came from nothing, and had she stayed she would still be nothing.But Ben still stood by the words that had followed. She wasn’t nothing to him.To him (every part of his fractured soul), she was everything. He realized she probably didn’t want to hear that either.[Buckle up folks, it's a slow burn!]





	1. Chapter 1

Rey considered herself to be an extremely focused woman. Having grown up in the conditions she did, focus and self discipline were the difference between life and death. She had lived her entire existence in a carefully choreographed dance between starvation and survival, so when she (very rarely) found herself faced with the opportunity for indulgence she made sure she would actually be able to afford the luxury that had presented itself.

  
Having spent the last three months since the battle of Crait scouting for prospective base locations, Rey had been finding more and more opportunities to enjoy some of life’s simple pleasures. The scavenger no longer needed to wonder where her next meal would come from and what she would need to trade away for it; the small sum of credits bestowed upon her by Leia ensured that she would never spend a night ignoring the hunger pangs in her stomach.

  
Though she was on Betov VII on official Resistance business, she found no harm in relaxing aboard her borrowed ship once she had finished her scans and observations. Having prepared a small feast and enjoying a nip of Corellian Whisky, she settled into the captains chambers to look over the information she gathered.

  
She scrolled through her data pad, taking notes of anything interesting that caught her eye. Betov VII was a mountainous and rocky planet, its terrain deprived of the cover of trees and shrubbery. What it lacked in vegetation, it made up for in rivers and ponds. Over the centuries, the water had shaped the landscape in such a way that allowed for ponds to form at varying levels of altitude which was where most of the local flora and fauna existed. As one descended down any given mountain, the climate grew warmer and warmer. But what truly sparked Rey’s interested was the incredibly warm temperature reading of the pond at the lowest point of the planet.

  
Perhaps it was the whisky speaking to her, but she couldn’t ignore the opportunity that had presented itself. Carefully, she weighed her options. In theory, she was on a mission. She had a list of planets she was scouting and needed to get the readings back to the makeshift headquarters as soon as possible. If she was being honest with herself, she should have left immediately after she had completed the scans.

  
Rey had already knocked off more than a quarter of the planets on her list and she was less than a standard week into her mission. Leia hadn’t expected her to be back for at least another month. Surely, she could afford one night to herself. After all, she didn’t technically report to anyone but Leia. The general had refused to give her any sort of title, insisting that Rey was more than a rank badge to the Resistance. The young woman had a feeling Leia wouldn’t care if she took one night off.

  
The lowest and warmest pond wasn’t that far away, maybe a fifteen-minute trip if she flew. Starting the engines of her borrowed ship, she piloted herself to the location feeling a sense of excitement in her stomach.

  
Carefully, she landed the ship and swiveled around in her chair, trying to decide if she should bring any form of protection with her. As far as her readings told her, the planet was not inhabited by any sentient beings. Her ships scanners told her that there were no other ships that had come into the system since she had arrived. She quickly glanced out the cockpit windows to see nothing but darkness all around. Rey decided she needed to bring nothing but her quarterstaff and the bottle of whisky. She powered down the ship, and the young woman set out on her small, self-indulgent journey.

  
Rey made her way to the edge of the pond and crouched down, testing the waters temperature with her fingertips. A smile played on her lips when she discovered it was perfectly warm enough to soak her feet in. Kicking off her brown leather boots and rolling up the hems of her leggings, she stuck her toes in the water and let out a sign of content. She poured herself another small glass of whisky and leaned back to gaze up at the stars above her.

  
It was times like this, when she was perfectly alone with her thoughts that she couldn’t help but wonder how different her life would be had she never left Jakku. If Rey was being honest with herself, she wasn’t sure if she had made the right choice. Though Leia had welcomed her to the Resistance, she still wasn’t truly a part of it. She had no rank, no department, and very few friends.

  
On the other hand, Rey had nothing left on Jakku. Her family wasn’t coming back for her, that much she was sure of. But what exactly did she have with the Resistance? Aside from the obvious resources she gained, had she truly gained any friends? Leia and Chewie were busy rebuilding what was left of their group. Poe was training recruits. Finn had seemed to have replaced her with Rose; that fact was part of the reason she volunteered to go on this scouting mission in the first place. She couldn’t exactly blame Finn for focusing so much on the other woman, it was obvious to everyone just how in love Rose was with him. It just would have been nice to have someone she like that for herself. Since she seemed to be just as loney with the Resistance as she was without, she had asked for a mission or really anything to do to occupy her time. If she was going to feel isolated, she might as well make herself useful.

  
She wiped away phantom tears she refused to let fall and stood from her perch at the edge of the pond. It didn’t look all that deep, she could probably touch the bottom if she stayed close to the edge. And besides, Rey hadn’t had a true bath in…well probably forever. The brunette removed her belt, obi, wraps, and tunic before shimmying out of her leggings. Left in nothing but her underthings she waded into the warm water, allowing the heat to sink into her skin. This was nice. This was peaceful. She wasn’t sure if it was worth being framed for the former Supreme Leader’s assassination, but it was still pretty nice.

  
She allowed herself to lay back in the water, naturally floating on its surface. Staring up at the stars, she felt small. Rey wasn’t sure if it was a feeling she enjoyed. She pushed the feeling aside and allowed herself to feel comfortable in her surroundings. She was safe. No one would harm her here. Of this, Rey felt certain.

  
She stayed like this for some time, allowing the whisky to work itself out if her system. It might have been hours, she wasn’t sure. Deciding she should probably be heading back to her ship soon Rey moved to stand and make her way back to her belongings at the edge of the lake.  
She realized two things at the same time.

  
The first was that she was no longer able to touch the bottom of the pond and she felt a mild sense of panic overtake her. Rey grew up in a desert and never learned how to properly swim.

  
The second was that large figure clad in black soaking his own feet at the edge of the pond. This caused a greater sense of panic, and Rey felt her body slip beneath the surface of the water.

  
-

  
Ben Solo knew how to swim. Ben Solo knew on some unconscious level that Rey didn’t possess that skill. Rey was Kylo Ren’s enemy. But Kylo Ren _(or maybe it was Ben Solo? He wasn’t sure_ ) didn’t hesitate to jump to save the small woman from drowning in a pond on some uncharted planet. He tried to tell himself he wanted to feel the life drain from her by his own hands. He knew he was lying.

  
Rey had every reason in the galaxy not to trust Kylo, but the same could not be said of Ben Solo. He had framed her for his own murder of the previous Supreme Leader and single handedly made her the most wanted individual in the galaxy. He had concentrated an unreasonable amount of firepower on the ship he knew she piloted with the intent of blowing it out of the sky at the battle of Crait. He had also been brutally honest with her, something he later realized she probably hadn’t wanted to hear.

  
There was no denying the truth. She was nothing. She came from nothing, and had she stayed she would still be nothing.  
But he still stood by the words that had followed. She wasn’t nothing to him.

  
To him (every part of his fractured soul), she was everything. He realized she probably didn’t want to hear that either.  
He was only mildly surprised when upon reaching her Kylo felt small hands wrap themselves around his torso as he carried them both back to shore. She hadn’t lost consciousness, but she wasn’t exactly helping their situation either. Rey was nearly dead weight in his arms, though it honestly wasn’t much weight. She was tiny, but her tight grip told him she wasn’t weak. Well, that and the fact she had slaughtered as many guards as him around three months prior.

  
They reached shore and she scrambled away from him, standing to face him with her back strait and her head held high. Her garments had become transparent in the water, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Ben’s dark eyes met hers, and he wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling. He tried to push through the bond, but he was met with a wall.

  
“What are you doing here, Ben?” was all she said.

  
He shrugged his large shoulders and attempted to pick up her tunic and other belongings, but she had already made a move to scoop them up. She quickly threw her tunic on before draping her leggings and wraps over her arms, slinging her staff across her back. Carefully, she cradled the whisky in her other hand. The younger woman turned on her heal and marched off in the direction of her ship.

  
The larger man quickly moved to block her, and though she could have easily side stepped him and kept walking, she didn’t. Rey simply stared at him with narrowed eyes, the expression on her face unreadable. His own face mirrored hers. Finally, he responded to her question. “I realize you didn’t have the most conventional upbringing, but you can’t ask a question and then just storm off. Generally, it’s not seen as polite.”

  
She huffed at him and rolled her eyes, before moving to go around him. He blocked her path again and Rey sighed in frustration.

  
“I realize that, but it’s also kind of rude to just sit and stare at someone who is half dressed while they are clearly enjoying a relaxing evening,” she replied.

  
“I guess that’s fair. But if you remember you did interrupt me in a state of undress at one point, too. I guess this is the Force balancing itself out.”  
A faint hint of pink played across her cheeks and she looked away, rolling her eyes once more. “I thought we were done with this whole Force bond.” she admitted. “I’ll ask again. Why are you here?”

  
Ben ignored her question still, staring out past her. “I’m not really sure where here is, nor am I sure why I find myself with you,” he answered. “I don’t think I’m the one you should be asking. Ask your Master.”

  
She met his gaze with newfound fury in her eyes. “I can’t. Luke’s gone. He sacrificed himself for the Resistance.”

  
Ben was taken aback by this news. He had felt a faint glimmer of his old Master’s presence while on Crait, but it faded soon after their short-lived duel. He had assumed that Skywalker had just blocked himself off from the Force once again, but it seemed he was wrong. “Skywalker’s dead?”

  
She gave a short nod. “At least, according to Leia. She felt him become one with the Force after Crait.” Rey was unsure why she was telling him this. Ben was the head of the First Order. He was her enemy ( _or so she tried to tell herself_ ). It didn’t seem like the best idea to be sharing such sensitive information with him.

  
Ben had very little feelings on this matter ( _or so he told himself_ ), so he simply brushed the news off. It was insignificant to the First Order weather Luke Skywalker lived or not. The Resistance was as good as defeated. Besides, he had no idea how much longer this connection would last, and he didn’t want to make their conversation about politics _(or his family_ ).

  
He noticed her shiver and couldn’t help but raise his brows. “If it’s so cold on the planet you’re on, what made you want to go for a swim?”

  
“A normal person would ask if they should move so the other could get inside, but if you must know I figured I deserved a break. It’s a deserted planet. I didn’t think I’d be disturbed, especially since I hadn’t heard from you in months,” she replied. Her tone was almost defensive, and he wondered if she had missed him as much as he missed her.

  
Ben moved aside to allow her to make her way back to in what he assumed what was the direction of her ship, trailing a respectable distance behind her. “A normal person would also thank the other person for saving them from drowning, but I guess that means neither of us are quite normal.”

  
Her only response was a soft hum, and he noticed their surroundings change slightly. In the months that had passed, their bond must have grown stronger despite them connecting with each other. While initially Kylo had been unable to see any of Rey’s surroundings, he was now able to make out fuzzy details, almost as if he were in a dream. Nothing was concrete, but he had been able to see the pond she was floating in and was able to make out that this wasn’t his father’s- _no not his father, Ben Solo’s_ \- ship. He kept his questions to himself as to where said ship was, telling himself it didn’t matter.

  
“Sure, come in, have a seat, would you like a drink?” Rey said sarcastically as she threw her clothing down onto her cot and rummaged through a small dresser. She pulled out a pair of green trousers and cream shirt and awaited his reply.

  
“Depends on what there is to drink,” Kylo replied, ignoring her sarcasm. 

“All I have is water and Corellian Whisky.”

  
“I’ll take the whisky,” he said, sitting his large frame down in the small booth that was across from her cot.

  
She placed the bottle down on the small table, producing a pair of glasses from a nearby cabinet. “Pour us a glass while I go change,” she instructed.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Looking back on her life and everything that had led up to this moment, Rey had a feeling deep in the pit of her stomach that she might regret inviting Ben onto her ship to share a drink. He was supposed to be her enemy- no, he _was_ her enemy. They were on opposite sides of a cruel war with radically different ideas about what the outcome should be. The First Order was evil, there was no way around it. It was not an organization she, an icon of the Resistance, wanted to find herself entangled with.

 And yet, here she was, sipping whisky and feeling herself fall back into a comfortable state of fuzziness. It was almost relaxing.

Besides, currently they were anything but enemies. She was pretty sure enemies weren’t supposed to be sit down for a drink and having casual conversations. Rey didn’t see Ben’s saber at his belt, and her own weapon was propped against the wall of the ship. Here, they were nothing but two people sharing a drink. He asked her how she had been lately very informally, as if they were old friends catching up after not having seen each other for a while.

She shrugged in response, not really sure of what to say. “I’m fine, I guess. Been busy with things.”

He nodded, staring into the liquid in his glass as he swirled it around. “Yeah. I wasn’t sure I’d see you again after Crait,” Ben admitted.

“Why?” She asked.

He paused for a moment, looking up from his drink to make eye contact with her. He struggled to find the proper words that wouldn’t make him sound weak, but decided he didn’t really care. This was Rey, and if he knew he could be honest with her. “When you left, when you shut me out…I don’t know, I thought…usually I don’t see people again after they tell me goodbye.”

Rey’s heart ached for him, and she the guilt hit her like a blow to the stomach. She reached across the table and placed her hand on top of his. “I didn’t mean it to be like that, Ben. I just figured you would have…I don’t know. Wanted some space?”

She was aware it was a weak excuse, but it was the best she had.  Apparently, it didn’t matter that they were supposed to hate each other. Rey felt more kinship and connection with him than with anyone else she had met. She hadn’t wanted to block him that day, but it had seemed like the best choice at the time.

Ben looked away, and suddenly anything was much more interesting than the woman in front of him. He kept their physical contact as if he was sinking and she was the only thing keeping him from drowning.  “Yeah. I mean, it’s probably for the best if we don’t get too close.”

Rey knew he was testing the waters, seeing just where they stood with each other.

She nodded, and Ben’s heart sank a little.

“Probably,” she said, pulling her hand back to grab her drink and bring it to her lips. “But I think we’re a little too far past that, yeah?” she stated after taking a small sip.

 Rey took the little puff of air that escaped his mouth as a yes and smiled.

“Besides, if I had really thought that I wouldn’t have invited you in for a drink,” she continued, pointing out the obvious.

Ben smiled; it was small but it was unmistakably genuine. “That’s true.” He glanced around, trying to see any of the finer details of the place Rey currently called home. Her ship was rather modest, but it possessed all the general necessities. He had a feeling it was more than she ever had to herself before. “So, I take it you’re happy then?” He wanted- _no, needed-_ to know if she had been as miserable and lonely as he had been the past few months, but his pride got in the way of him admitting it outright.

Ben had been having terrible mood swings (more so than usual). While his temper had always been short, he found himself exploding at his command staff more often than usual these past few months. He had no outlet for his emotions, so his officers were getting the worst of it. It didn’t help that they were quite possibly the most irritating beings in the galaxy. He had no one he could talk to, no one he really even _cared_  to talk to. If he had it his way, he would avoid all interaction with his staff, but unfortunately that was just not possible. He had been given a taste of what it felt like to have a companion, and it had been nice. Just when he had gotten used to the idea that there might be someone out there he was capable of calling a friend, it had been yanked away.

Some part of him knew it had been partially his fault, but again he was too proud to admit it.

He felt her hesitation, but slowly she nodded. “It’s fun seeing the different places the Resistance sends me to,” Rey replied, purposely being vague. “Takadona was the first planet I had been to besides Jakku. I guess I’m making up for some lost time.”

Rey was purposefully trying to change the subject, not wanting to give too much information away about her whereabouts or the current state of the Resistance. She wanted to believe he wasn’t here to gain intel on their current plans, but she couldn’t be too sure.

“In my experience, they begin to look the same after a while. You see one, you see them all,” Ben said very nonchalantly.

Rey was offended by his statement. How could someone say that? Each planet she had been to so far had been so beautifully unique.  She had made mental notes on each one and vowed that some day she would see as many as she could. Ben was speaking as if he truly had lost sight of the natural beauty and wonder in the galaxy, and she pitied him. They were very similar beings, having grown up lonely and isolated. It made her sad knowing that what she found joy in, he was indifferent to. _Must have been nice to grow up so spoiled,_ she thought to herself, bitterly.

“Why do you think that?” he asked.

Rey narrowed her eyes.  “What? I didn’t say anything.”

Suddenly it dawned on her what he had done, and she had gone from only mildly annoyed to downright enraged.

_How dare you invade my thoughts? s_ he asked, knowing he would be able to hear them. He had no business listening in on her, and she felt violated. “Why did you have to ruin this?” she asked him out loud, not only angry at this point but hurt as well. Rey thought they might be going somewhere, repairing the trust that had been broken between them.

Clearly, that wasn’t the case.

 “I didn’t have to look into your mind, Rey. It would appear the alcohol breaks down your walls. You projected it clear as day,” he said, suddenly very distant besides being less than a yard or so away.

He felt his own annoyance growing with her. It wasn’t his fault her own mental defenses were weak as it was, made even weaker by the whisky they had been drinking together. Maybe if she had accepted his offer to teach her all he knew, she wouldn’t be so weak.

Rey abruptly pushed the glass away and made an effort to stand up, but the floor beneath her feet didn’t seem to want to stay still. Her body swayed and a pair of warm hands grasp her biceps to guide her back down to her seat. She had consumed maybe half of her drink, but having not eaten much that day coupled with the fact she had two drinks earlier, it shouldn’t be so shocking she had become this inebriated.

“Stay. I’ll get you some water and something to eat,” Ben said, his tone telling her not to argue. Rey wasn’t sure how he had managed to move so fast, but maybe she had just missed it when she had been trying to avoid toppling over.

However, Rey was not a person without pride of her own and felt even more irritation. No one took care of her. Ever. She was more than capable of taking care of herself, drunk or otherwise. The scavenger had spent her entire life on her own and she wasn’t about to let someone else start now.

“Why?” She snapped. “Why do you care?” Perhaps it was the alcohol, but she had never been more furious with him, not even after what he had done to Han. Everything between them was so confusing. He would go from acting completely indifferent to her existence to acting like she was the most important thing in the universe to him. Rey wished that she could confide in someone that wasn’t so…well, so much like _him_. Someone more like Finn. Finn was transparent. He was easy to read and didn’t make her want to rip her hair out. He was nice, and was genuinely happy every time he saw her. If it hadn’t been for Rose…she snapped herself out of it before she could finish that idea.

_No, don’t be mad at them. This wasn’t their fault. It was Ben’s,_ she thought to herself.

Ben said nothing as he rummaged through her tiny kitchenette, searching for something she could eat. Her thoughts of the traitor drifted between them, and he clenched his jaw. _Why would she be thinking of him?_

Ben  had heard the question she had asked aloud, but decided to ignore it. He knew the answer,  but kept it to himself. He figured if she didn’t appreciate his honesty last time they spoke, she definitely wouldn’t appreciate it now. He had meant what he said in the throne room; he wanted her beside him. He wanted to let the past die and start something new with her. Kylo knew there could be no one else. Only her. So _why the fuck was she thinking of FN-2187?_

But Rey was not a person to be ignored. Oblivious to the his emotions, she continued to pry  mercilessly. “Hey Ben, I asked you a question. I said _why do you care_? You said it yourself, I’m nothing. What’s it to you if I tumble over?”

“You are nothing,” came his reply, his voice emotionless. Ben wasn’t going to let her see just how much her thoughts of another man bothered him. He knew Rey enough to know that she would just become more furious and accuse him of reading her thoughts again.  “But I guess you didn’t hear me when I said you’re that you aren’t nothing to me,” he continued, not even bothering to turn around and face her.

“No, I heard you, I just don’t understand what that’s supposed to mean,” Rey admitted, her anger still apparent in her voice. _Why did he have to be so damn cryptic?_ Granted, having grown up alone[20] , Rey didn’t know a whole lot about human interaction, but she still felt confident in knowing that no one in her situation would understand what he was doing.

Having finally found some rations, he filled a glass with some water from her reserve and set it down on the table in front of her. Rey had turned her body to face him while he had been searching for something for her to eat, and he kneeled before her.

Rey met his intense gaze, and she knew he could sense her insecurities even without their bond. They were woven into her anger, and he was almost positive they were the true source of it. He decided to let her outburst go, understanding on some level why she was feeling this way. If Ben was being honest to himself, he was feeling much the same.

Rey’s thoughts once again betrayed her, and Ben heard everything. She wasn’t anything to anyone. It made her uncomfortable knowing that someone thought so much of her given how little they had interacted. She had been disposable to every one she had met in her life, including it would seem, the Resistance. She truly didn’t understand what it meant to be wanted.  

“It means exactly what you think it means. Rey, you’re everything. You’re my perfect balance. My other half. Snoke was lying about the bond. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. He didn’t connect us. No one did. This was meant to be.”

Ben knew she was tipsy, but he hoped she knew his words were true. She _had_ to know exactly what she meant to him.

“You’re lying,” she accused, attempting to stand and free herself from his stare. But Ben was faster, and put his hands on her shoulders to sit her back down in her seat. Refusing to look at him, she turned her face away from his and felt hot tears sting her cheeks as they fell.

“I’m not. You’ve spent your entire life alone. Why is it so hard now to accept that there is someone out there who understands you?”

“Because it shouldn’t be you,” she said coldly.

She felt his grip loosen from her shoulders and for a split second regretted what she had said. She opened her mouth to apologize, but he was gone.

Rey broke down and cradled her face in her hands as she sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think so far! This is looking to be 20+ chapters as I'm currently sitting at 26k words and am only about half way through writing. I'm having fun exploring these two and can't wait to share my work with everyone. 
> 
> Many thanks to my wonderful beta, Ardea for all the wonderful pointers they have given me so far! You're the best! 
> 
> If you feel inclined to chat with me my tumblr is khaleesireys and I'm also a member of The Writing Den on discord. 
> 
> MTFBWYA


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since their last connection and Rey had never felt worse. She was glad none of her friends were around because she was sure they would be on the receiving end of her growing hostility. Instead, she threw herself into training and exercise. Each day she moved through her forms with her staff until her body ached and she could barely move her arms. In an ideal world, she would be practicing with her saber but a certain event had left it broken and she had yet to be able to repair it.

Not only had she not heard from Ben, but other than the standard “thanks for the information”, no one from the Resistance had bothered to contact her either. She wondered if anyone even really noticed she was gone. Rey hadn’t made a lot of friends, but she was curious if anyone really cared  where she was. The woman  told herself they were just too focused on rebuilding and it had nothing to do with her.

Rey decided she deserved a moment to catch her breath and approached the bag that she had brought with her. It carried her canteen and broken saber, and as she sat with her water, she picked up the pieces. The crystal was broken as well as the actual hilt, and the more she thought about it the more she gave up hope that she would ever be able to repair it.

 “I could help with that, if you asked.”

Rey jumped to her feet and whirled around, pointing her quarter staff at the offending source of the voice. “I’d rather do it myself, thanks,” came her reply. _Great,_ she thought to herself. Ben stood before her, his arms crossed over his chest. Rey was only half angered at his presence, but if she was being honest with herself she was glad to see him. The scavenger felt bad for what she had told him last time they spoke, and she had been hoping to apologize.

Slowly she bent and picked up her small bag of belongings, ignoring the ache already blooming in her back. Not wanting to appear too desperate, she walked past him silently, silently hoping that he would follow. She couldn’t stop thinking about what he had told her, and wanted to know if he really meant it or if it was just some sort of cruel joke.

Other than the obvious political and military advantages he could gain by strengthening their bond, she couldn’t think of any other reason why he would have said those things to her.

Maybe he did mean what he said about her being important to him.

If that was the case, what did that mean for her? And for them?

Rey had landed  on an airy, grassy, and extremely hot planet the star maps were calling Leytr IX. There was no ground cover, only mysteriously tall rock formations. Without any shade from large trees or other vegetation, the sun beat ruthlessly down onto the planet’s surface. It was as desolate and almost as depressing as Jakku. The only real difference was the abundance of tall grass that covered the ground. As she waded through it, she allowed her fingers to brush along the tops of the plants. It was yet another entirely new experience for her. She liked the way the wind rustled the blades together and it made the whole planet seem very much alive.  

The rock formations weren’t a result of the planet’s seismic activity, and she could only wonder as to what exactly they were. Something told her they were important to the history of the planet, but Rey couldn’t be sure. Perhaps she would return one day and explore them further.

“Are we sober this time?” Ben asked, and Rey didn’t need to see his face to know he was smirking. She heard the rustling of the foliage behind her and was glad to know he was following.  

“One hundred percent, which is why I’m confused as to why you’re here. I thought it was just a fluke last time,” she replied, climbing the ramp to her ship. Carefully, Rey leaned her staff against a wall before unceremoniously tossing her bag to the floor, but not  before plucking the canteen out of it. She slumped into the booth near her table, trying to relax her body after her vigorous work out. He sat across from her, his large frame looking comical in the small chair.

“Maybe I’m here because I want to be?” Ben quipped, gracefully sitting his bulky form down in the tiny chair. It wasn’t exactly true, he had no control over when they connected. He was still a little hurt from what she had told him last week, but he could understand where she was coming from. Ben wasn’t right for her, and she really did deserve someone more like FN-2187. Of course, he would never admit that to anyone.  But there was some truth in his words, he did want to be here with her.

“I’m not giving you information about the Resistance,” she informed him, her voice sharp.

“The Resistance is currently the least of my worries, sweetheart. Your numbers are pathetic, and more and more systems join the First Order every day. We’ve won, whether you want to admit it or not,” Ben retorted. He leaned back in his chair, staring the brunette down. “Besides, if I wanted information about the Resistance I could take it from you. Your walls are pathetic, even sober. Our bond grows stronger every day, surely you can feel it. It would be even easier than before.”

His words were only a partial lie; he knew this, but he hoped Rey didn’t. Their bond was definitely growing stronger, but he knew the more connected they became the more likely she would pick up on the proper ways to put up mental shields.

After seeing her techniques in the throne room and Starkiller Base, he was sure that she was copying his own favorite fighting forms and stances, whether she was aware of it or note. He knew  it was only a matter of time before she was able to how to properly block him from contacting her, though he hoped it would never come to that. Ben was particularly talented in masking his thoughts, a skill he had honed in the years of being Snoke’s apprentice. He knew it was his mental shields that had saved her before the battle of Crait. If she were to pick up on those and decide she no longer wanted to see him…he brushed the thought aside, not wanting to think about it.

Rey didn’t want to admit it, but she also could feel how the bond between them grew. What had started out as a thread had seemed to grow into a strong rope that bound their minds together. Aside from the fact she had to work harder and harder to keep him shut out, she had noticed other little things as well. Thoughts that weren’t her own slipped into her mind. Scents, emotions, even tastes had been invading her consciousness more and more often. Even when they had fought together in the throne room, she had easily moved through the battle almost instinctively. Rey had originally thought it had just been the Force, but the more she looked back on and thought about it the stances she moved through weren’t ones she had learned herself. She had trained to fight with a double ended staff, not a light saber. These forms were surly someone else’s, and most likely his. There was no point in denying it.  

“What does that mean for us, then?” she asked him, honestly wanting to know the answer.

“What do you want it to mean?” he replied.

This was absolutely not the response she had been hoping for.

“I don’t know. I owe it to the Resistance for getting me off of Jakku. For giving my life actual purpose for-“

_For meeting you._

He raised his brow and Rey wasn’t sure that he hadn’t heard the last bit. “For meeting Leia and Chewbacca and all my other new friends,” she finished.

“Ah yes, your friends. Why do you still feel so alone then?”

The scavenger slammed her canteen down on the table and stood to leave the table, anger filling her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She brushed past him and he swiveled in his chair, following her with his eyes. “Please. There’s no point in lying to me. You’re as lonely as I am, and we both know it,” Ben said calmly. “I feel it, through the bond. You think you have me shut out but I can sense how terribly alone you are. Stop fighting it. You and I…we are similar in more ways than you can imagine.”

Rey ripped open her dresser drawer and pulled out the first change of clothes she touched. “You can leave, now,” she said curtly, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation. He respected that, but he knew he couldn’t just leave.

“I don’t think it works like that. I’m stuck here, for the time being,” he told her, his own annoyance flowing between them. “I have better things to do than sit and argue with you.”

Slamming the dresser shut she whipped around to face him. “That’s great and all, but I need to jump in the ‘fresher and you’re not really welcome to watch.”

“A shower can wait. Who knows when we might get to spend uninterrupted time together like this again?” Ben asked, the sarcasm practically dripping from his voice. “Why don’t you sit? I can feel your soreness from you practicing your forms. Let me show you how the Force can heal and strengthen your muscles.”

“You’re absolutely infuriating, you know that?” she asked him, but his offer was tempting. Without Luke, Ben was the only other trained Force user she knew. She wanted to learn how to properly utilize the Force, and the texts she had stolen were proving to be less than useful. What little she could make out of their teachings were focused on ceremonies and rituals, nothing that actually applied  to her current situation. To be able to actually learn someone who had experience and was willing to teach her would be welcome, that is if it was anyone but him.

“So I’ve been told,” Ben replied. “Why are you so against this? Against whatever it is the Force has bonded us for?”

“Because…” she thought for a moment before giving her reply. “Because you’re not the reason I’m here.”

Ben raised a brow, genuinely confused by her response. He was expecting something along the lines of being sworn enemies, on opposite sides of the war; but this was truly puzzling. As if she sensed his confusion, she continued.

“I got off Jakku thanks to Finn. The Resistance gave me a home. A family. What have you given me?” 

This crying in front of him needed to stop. Rey wasn’t like this. She was strong. The floor suddenly looked extremely interesting to her.

“Was what?” he prompted, slowly raising a hand to cup her chin and raise her eyes to meet his.

“A family. My family,” the brunette admitted, both to herself and to the man before her. She held his gaze and relaxed into his touch. “Does that make me weak? A bad person? I honestly don’t know, Ben. I’m tired of feeling so alone...”

“Maybe. I don’t have all the answers, Rey,” Ben replied, dropping his hand from her chin. “Snoke exploited my own softness for my family. Whether  that makes me weak or not, I can’t say. I just know it wasn’t worth the pain he put me through,” he admitted. It was the truth, and he was starting to realize that if he was going to truly let the past die then he would need to first confront this truth.

“So is that what your plan is for me? Make me feel welcomed and cared for only to play me like a pawn?” She asked, feeling the need to defend herself. Rey wasn’t going to end up like him, though she knew they shared more similarities than differences. Both were lonely creatures, the product of familial neglect and abandonment.

“No. Rey, I wouldn’t do that to you,” he told her very seriously.

She believed him. She had no idea why and absolutely no reason to trust his words, but she did.

Instinctively she moved closer to him, resting her arms against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as the tears fell silently from her eyes. If he noticed she was crying, he didn’t say anything.

 

They stayed like that until the bond dissipated and left Rey truly alone again. Numb to her emotions, she gathered her things and moved to the ‘fresher, feeling even more confused about what exactly they were to each other. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

There was something comforting about sitting next to a fire on a chilly night. Rey had never dared to light one on Jakku, for fear that unwelcome visitors might find where she was camped. But it was slowly starting to become one of her favorite things. She reclined on the large stone she sat on, reflecting on the previous days’ events. It had been less than 24 hours since Ben had last appeared to her, but she was starting to realize she preferred his presence to no one’s at all.

Tonight she found herself on a temperate moon of a larger, more civilized planet. The planet was friendly enough towards the Resistance, but Rey felt like it would be a terrible idea to construct a base here for that very reason. If it was public knowledge about the system’s political affiliations, it could be an easy target for the First Order. She had landed on the moon as night was beginning to fall, and made the executive decision that her scans and such could wait until morning.

The planet was very green, and according to her scans it was approaching it's cooler season. Large trees filled the forests and the landscape was relatively flat. The wooded areas made the night seem even darker, blocking out the starlight and light of the other moon in the system. She was camped near a small stream, and the novelty of the murmuring water made her lightheaded. She had never seen water in this form before and it was such a wonderful new experience. The quite splashing of the water lulled her into a relaxed state, and she relished the feeling of peace.

Rey had promptly lit a fire and began warming some of the food that she had purchased on the main planet before landing on the uninhabited moon. Her supplies had been running low, and she was still pretty far ahead of her schedule. Besides, Leia had given her credits to spend and she wasn’t a wasteful person. Rey had purchased a feast, or at least a feast in her book. She had picked up some dried food, including meat and fruit. Rey only ever had those types of foods once before, and she was excited to try them again. She was eager to be able to sample something other than instant rations, and couldn't help but wonder what Ben was doing. Was he sitting down to eat dinner as well?  

As if summoned, he appeared before her.

“What are our plans for tonight, Scavenger?” Ben asked, taking a seat next to her on the stone. He sat closer than he normally would, but he realized he wanted to be close to this woman, both physically and in other ways. He noticed the freckles that speckled her skin; accenting her face and shoulders. Ben decided he liked how _human_ she was. Rey was far from the shining example of what a Jedi should be. He admired her, but she was far from perfect. She definitely felt attachment ( _to him?)_ , lacked confidence, and had a temper that left unchecked could very well rival his own.

Rey shrugged her shoulders at his question, honestly not having an answer. If she was being truthful with herself, she was glad he was here. “Can we just..sit here? I can grab the whisky. I don’t want to fight tonight.” There was no point in denying it, she enjoyed his company-at least when they weren't fightin g.

He nodded and Rey stood to make the short journey to her ship and back, having picked up two glasses, her bottle of whisky, and some more food for them to share. She poured two cups and handed him one, sitting back down next to him.

Ben moved to pick up a piece of the food she had brought before replacing it back into its container, not passing his inspection. “Traditionally Jedi were vegetarian,” he informed her, genuinely not knowing if she knew or not. He had no idea how much Luke had taught her, but surly respect for life was had been one of the first lessons.  

Rey rolled her eyes. “Beggars can’t be choosers. And besides, you and I both know I’m not a Jedi.” She hasn't admitted that to anyone, not even herself. But it was starting to dawn on her just how impossible it was for her to rekindle the Jedi Order and bring balance to the Force.

“I didn’t know that, but okay. Whatever you say,” he tried to hide his shock by coming off a indifferent, not fully understanding why she had revealed this to him. Maybe she was starting to trust him? He couldn't decide how he felt about that. If they started to become more than just casual acquaintances to each other, what exactly would that mean? What would she expect of him?  

There was no doubt in his mind that he was attracted to her, but it went without saying that to act on this would be extremely inappropriate. She had aligned herself with the chief enemy of the First Order, embodied the light, and it went without mentioning that she was significantly younger than him. It would be a terrible idea for many reasons to allow himself to become close to her.

But Kylo Ren was the Supreme Leader, and he decided that he didn’t care.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her drink. “There’s no possible way for me to become a true Jedi. I’ve been reading some ancient texts I found while I was with Luke. There’s ceremonies and rituals that need to be followed, and with the only other Jedi dead it’s just not something I can do myself,” she explained, taking a bite of the food.

“You sound like you’ve given up and this is the excuse you’re telling yourself,” he said honestly. “The Jedi weren’t just rituals and fancy titles. It was a lifestyle. You can still follow in their footsteps and rebuild. Or at least, that’s what Skywalker thought.” Ben wasn't sure why he was encouraging her to follow a path that would lead her further from him, but he felt like she needed to hear this. “Don't sell yourself short, Scavenger.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I just don’t want to be a Jedi,” Rey said, her voice quiet. Again, she found herself admitting her innermost thoughts to someone who was ;supposed to be her mortal enemy. The only thing they should have in common was that they were Force Sensitive. However, some part of her knew he would be the only one who understood her reservations. She was aware how he had been in a similar situation years before and felt like he would be the only one who understood what she was going through.

Her honesty surprised him. “Really? Why not? I thought that’s why you searched the galaxy for Skwalker?”

“It sounds lonely. No attachments? That’s not a way to live. The texts say it is supposed to bring about freedom, but in my experience, it’s only brought about pain,” Rey swirled the contents around her glass, glancing up sideways at the man next to her. “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she admitted. “I thought the Resistance and the Jedi would make me feel like I had a home, but the truth is I’m just as alone now as I was on Jakku.”

It was the truth, but it felt strange to confess it. Rey couldn’t ignore the growing guilt that she had been given this opportunity to make a difference and she was all but throwing it away. And for what? Her own fears of abandonment?

“You’re not alone,” he assured her.

“Yeah. I guess.”

_It's true, Rey,_ he projected the bond. Ben knew how she felt. It was very similar to his own struggle he had with the Jedi and the legacy he was expected to uphold. If she was feeling this way too, it only proved to him that he hadn’t been a complete failure. The Jedi lifestyle wasn't easy, and the fact that it came with such political significance made it even harder. The last thing he wanted for anyone, especially her, was to feel like she was being forced to uphold a role she didn't want. He knew part of the reason he was so damaged today was because he had been forced to live a life he didn't choose, and most importantly didn't want. Snoke had given him a way out, but in following the older being he had sacrificed any remaining freedom to him and the vision Snoke had for his future. He might be free of the older humanoid now,  but he was anything but free of the role he occupied. Ben was aware that abandoning it meant he would be labeled as a deserter, the punishment for which was death.

There was silence between the two of them for a brief moment before she continued. “I just didn’t ask for any of this, you know? But I owe it to them to try.”

Ben nodded, knowing what she meant. “Neither did I,” he told her. “I just wanted a family too, you know. But my fath-Han Solo jumped planet every chance he got, and my mother was always too busy with politics. Luke tried, but only because Leia asked him to. I was never really wanted by my parents either, Rey.”

The dark-haired man took a long drink from his glass and turned to stare in the direction of the fire. If she was being this honest with him, then he felt like it was okay with that he was sharing his own feelings with her. He had never admitted as much to anyone, but the more he thought on it the more he realized it was true. Snoke had been the first to want him, even if his intentions hadn’t been the most pure.

She moved her hand to rest on his leg, not breaking her own gaze from him. “I’m sorry,” was all she told him. Rey knew nothing she said would make him feel better, but she wanted to try.

“I know you said you don’t want to fight, but I need you to know this, Rey. You don’t owe the Resistance anything. You aren’t their pawn. You are so much more than anything they can give you. We don’t need to be on opposite sides of the war,” he said, turning his whole body to face hers. “I’m not saying I will give you the galaxy, or make you into anything you don’t want to be. But just say the word and you can be free of any obligation you owe the Resistance. You can be free to make your own choices.”

She should be angry, she really should. How could she abandon her newfound friends? Her newfound friends that had never even bothered to send a quick comm asking how she was doing, or if she was okay, or if she needed anything? Her new friends that had brushed her off the first chance they got and replaced her with something or someone else.

“What about you?” she asked, not really denying his offer. “You’re just as trapped as I am.”

“It’s too late for me. I have other obligations. To the First Order, to the Galaxy,” he replied.

She sighed, truly upset with him for the first time tonight. “Then you’re no better than the Resistance. You’ll free me to just be on my own again. I don’t want to be free if I don’t have anyone to share that freedom with, Ben. I’d rather be a slave to the Resistance,” she snapped, the contempt dripping from her voice.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to fight?”

“I don’t want to fight, Ben. I just want you!  Or…or someone! Anyone!” she snapped, raising her voice and punctuating her thoughts by downing the rest of her drink. It had slipped out, but she it was the truth. 

“Oh, good to know I’m so easily replaceable,” he replied, attempting to cover the hurt  in his voice with anger. Ben had allowed himself to hope that perhaps Rey _had_ wanted him in her life, but the way she was talking at the moment gave him the feeling that maybe she was desperate for _anyone_ to call her companion. He was fooling himself into thinking that she could possibly want _only_ him. Ben had sensed her loneliness on Starkiller and he had a feeling she would stop at nothing to fill the void. Maybe he was no different to her than the Resistance seemed to be; merely a distraction from her despair.

“Kriffing hell, Ben. You aren’t. You’re not replaceable,” she assured him, her own patience wearing thin.

“That’s not what you just said!” Ben snapped back at her. He wasn’t sure if she meant it, but he hoped she did. He realized he _wanted_ to be something important to her, and was desperate to know that she was speaking the truth. He was tired of being replaceable, and for once in his life he wanted to know that someone actually chose him.

Ben had spent his entire life feeling as if his only purpose was to fulfil the goals other people had set for him. If Rey had wanted him for what he was and nothing else…he brushed the thought aside, not wanting to be disappointed if this wasn’t the case. He had spent his entire life certain that no one had wanted _him_. They wanted his powers, his status, his Force sensitivities, but never the man he actually was. Ben had accepted this as fact long ago and to think anything otherwise was simply incomprehensible for him.

However, he could hope. It was possible that Rey truly did want his true self, and that she was able to see past what others perceived him to be. Their relationship was something he couldn’t comprehend; the Force had obviously connected them for a reason. Could it be that reason was to ensure the two most powerful force users in the Galaxy knew they weren’t alone?

Rey paused, taking a breath before continuing. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I want you. You’re the first person I’ve met that can actually understand what I’m saying,” the woman  said softly. It was a big step to admit this, and Rey was absolutely aware of what it meant for them. The chemistry between them could no longer be ignored. Even if they just stayed friends, she wanted him in her life. The more they talked the more she realized how important he was to her.

Rey’s apology caught him off guard. He had been so ready to argue and fight, but now he had nowhere to direct that anger and it was too much for him. The hurt, confusion, anger, and emptiness swirled around him, seeming to cloud his perception of the world around him. The glass he was holding shattered in his hands and he looked away from her truly sympathetic face. Rey’s apology was genuine. He knew it, deep in his soul he knew she meant those words. He just didn’t deserve it.

_Damn it. Damn this all,_  Ben thought to himself. The bond dissipated, and he was left now with a pit in his stomach, completely alone. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Chapter 5 should be up sometime next week!


	5. Chapter 5

 

The next time the Force connected them, Rey wasted no time. It had been weeks (two weeks and five days to be exact) and she missed him, and she was comfortable enough now to admit it.  Something had shifted the last time they spoke, and she had hoped it hadn’t scared him off.  She felt the connection before she actually saw him, but she couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of her mouth.

“Why do you want to be Supreme Leader?” She asked, turning to face him. The question had plagued her since their last conversation and she needed to know.

Seeing him shirtless the first time had left her embarrassed, but this time she wasn’t fazed by it. It seemed inappropriate back then, but given their newfound companionship it didn’t seem to matter now; with every encounter she found herself growing more comfortable with him. Ben was a friend, and at the moment he was her only friend. It might have been a while since she had heard from him, but it had been even longer since she had heard from anyone from the Resistance. She wondered if they had even noticed she was gone.

“I want to make the Galaxy a better place,” was Ben’s answer, and she felt the truth in his words. It wasn’t what she was expecting. “My grandfather had a vision of unity and peace for all life. I want to try and bring that idea to reality.”

Rey had imagined power or control to be at the center of his desire to be the Supreme Leader, but this changed things. If Ben truly felt like this, then why would it be so wrong if she were to allow herself to become close to him? Yes, he had made some terrible life choices and she wasn’t willing to look past them completely, but if he was now committed to making the galaxy a better place…

However, she merely nodded in response, pushing the negative thoughts aside. “Why does the Resistance fight against you? That’s what they want, too.” It just didn’t make sense why both sides felt the need to be so divided. If they both had the same ideas and the same end goal, then what was the issue? Rather than war against each other, wouldn’t it make more sense to pool their resources and work together?

He shrugged his shoulders, taking a seat in a large armchair. His surroundings were becoming more and more clear to her and those around her seemed to be fading as the connection continued to grow between them. “That’s probably a question you should ask them,” he told her. It was then she noticed the towel in his hands as he brought it up to his hair to try and soak up some of its wetness. Great. He had just gotten out of the ‘fresher. Now she felt embarrassed. She took a seat opposite of him, and despite his current state this was the most relaxed she had felt with him.Logically, she knew she was on the edge of her cot, but through their connection she could tell that she was sitting on a small table near the chair he occupied. _We must be in his privatel_ _chambers,_ she mused, attempting to get a feel for his personal tastes.

He continued speaking, and if he had noticed her embarrassment, he ignored it. “The Resistance wasn’t always what it was, Rey. It was once the beginnings of a Military force created by the New Republic.  It was never a group dedicated to doing good for the Galaxy. The Order simply beat the New Republic to forming a successful and organized military.” Rey had no idea if he was speaking the truth, but she wanted to hear his side of things. Those in the Resistance hadn’t told her much, only that it wanted to stop the First order from taking control of the galaxy. “The New Republic was an absolute failure. The Empire was also a failure, though longer-lived than the New Republic.  The First Order is doing things neither government had the opportunity to accomplish. Given how successful our military has proven itself, we are now moving forward with scientific research and technological development.”

The information surprised her and she wasn’t sure how to take the news. She felt more conflicted than before, now filed with more questions. “So, what about the Dreadnaught that was destroyed?” she asked.

Ben raised his brows, tossing his towel aside. “What about it? There are, as of now, no current plans to rebuild. Look at what has happened to all the previous centralized locations of power for in the past century. Coruscant now serves as the capital for all organized crime when it was once capital to the Old Republic. Both of the Empire’s super weapons were destroyed. Starkiller base, Hosnian Prime, and now the Supremacy.” He shook his head, his disapproval apparent for these previous strongholds. “Think of it this way: the more power an area holds, the more of a target it becomes for anyone who seeks to destroy it. A single capital allows for what, ease of communication? It’s not worth the tradeoff. Information can be transmitted from one end of this galaxy to another nearly instantaneously. There’s no need for physical capitals, other than ego boosts. If you want a government to truly be successful on a galactic level, it is obvious that the government needs to be spread across the galaxy.”

“But wouldn’t spreading the resources make it more difficult to control them?” she asked.

He shook his head, “Not necessarily. If you hold the respect and the fear of your subjects, you have no need for large displays of power.”

“Why do you need them to fear you?” She asked. Surely respect for the leaders should be enough.

“I suppose you don’t, but a healthy dose of fear does wonders for keeping the established order. It doesn’t need to be fear of the government itself, but fear of what may come to be should the government pull its protection or cease to exist. People, as a whole, are more afraid of change than they are of the present,” he replied.

Rey was shocked by how true his statement was, and even how true it rang for her. When she had first left Jakku, she had been so focused on returning for fear that her family might return for her at last and she wouldn’t be there. After she had looked past that and decided to stay with the Resistance, she was apprehensive of the changes the First Order was trying to make to the galaxy. It was easy to settle into what was comfortable and turn away from opportunities that were being given to you. She stayed silent for a while, looking around at her surroundings and lost in her own thoughts.

Ben finally broke the silence, not wanting to waste any of the precious time they had available with each other. “Why didn’t you ask someone from the Resistance about all this?” he asked. Ben was all too pleased to be speaking with her about this in such a civilized manner but he didn’t understand why she had chosen him. Was she setting a trap or acting as a spy to gather information? He hoped this wasn’t the case and had a good feeling as much, but it still seemed odd. He had never seen her stay so calm when sensitive subjects like this were brought up and couldn’t help but be curious as to why the sudden change of heart.

“I can’t,” Rey told him, sounding almost ashamed.

Ben raised his brows, confusion apparent on his face. “Why’s that?”

“I…I sort of left. I told them I needed to figure out Jedi things and try and piece everything together. I asked not to be bothered unless it was an absolute emergency. Leia understood. She told me to go do what I felt was necessary. They didn’t even fight me about it,” Rey confessed, picking at her cuticles. It hadn’t been a terribly difficult decision, but the guilt had been eating away at her nonetheless. She felt bad for lying to them about rebuilding the Jedi Order but it seemed to be the most believable explanation as to why she would want to disappear and break all contact. As far as she knew, no one suspected her true motives.

 “It’s not that they didn’t care, they just didn’t try to make me stay. I thought….I don’t know. I thought they would. I thought I was important to them. I thought I was worth more to them. But I guess not.” He felt her sorrow through their bond, and couldn’t help but mourn with her. Ben understood her feelings of abandonment and empathized with her. They sat in silence for a moment before he reached across the space between them and took her hand. She didn’t fight it.

“You’re important to me. I would fight for you to stay.”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She moved her hand to cover his and held it tightly.

“Can I ask why you left?” He wasn’t sure where the boundaries between theme were and was hoping that she would allow him an answer. Ben had felt the loyalty she had for them and needed to know what had changed.

“I returned from my scouting mission to what could kindly be called organized chaos. Everyone I knew was scattered and extremely busy doing something that seemed important. Everyone else didn’t treat me like I was a person. They all would go on and on about how great of a symbol of hope I was for them and for the entire known galaxy. That I would some how be the key to the defeat of their enemies and bring about the solution to all their problems,” she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Have you ever heard something so absurd? I’m just one person, I’m nothing.”

He stayed silent, but he had been in the same position earlier in his life and understood her state of mind. She continued, “I told them I needed time to figure things out. Everything was happening so quickly and I didn’t feel like I would be able to achieve anything if I had to stay on one planet or do the little errands the Resistance was thinking of assigning me. I mean, honestly everything I told them was a lie,” she admitted. “I just don’t think I can do this, Ben. I don’t even know that I want to. You were right, I guess. I really don’t owe them anything. Especially when all they want me for is…well I don’t know what for. To be some symbol of hope and be the main focus of their propoganda?” Again, she shook her head. “I don’t want that, I never did, and you made me realize that. So thank you, I guess.”

“Rey, you’re welcome. I don’t want to see anyone else be used because of their Force Sensitivity. We should be free to make our own choices,” he said. “The Jedi weren’t slaves to the public eye, they made their own choices as a group as to what they supported and what they fought against.”

They were silent for a moment, both happy to be in the other’s company. It was scary how alike they were, but Rey was starting to think maybe this was why the Force brought them together.

“Can we meet? For real? Not through the Force?” Rey asked quietly, uncertainty in her voice. It was bold of her to ask, and she wasn’t sure if he would agree to it. Neither had much of a reason to trust each other, but she wanted to be able to speak with him without fear of their bond cutting out.

“Yes,” Ben replied, not missing a beat. There was no hesitation, and he was starting to realize he would do anything for this woman. The notion scared him, as he had spent most of his adult life alone and avoiding attachments. He couldn’t recall most of the names of the senior members of his military council and he spent more time with them on a regular basis than Rey. But even when they were apart, Ben always found himself wondering what she was doing. If asked, he was sure he would be able to describe every detail of her, down to the exact shade of her eyes. He wasn’t sure what this meant for them, but he knew he would rather live his life with Rey a part of it than anything else.

“Where?” she asked, an emotion she couldn’t place brewing in the pit of her stomach.

“Where are you now?” he answered, urgency in his voice. Rey suggestion had awakened something within him and he wanted nothing more than to be _with_ her right now. Everything else seemed insignificant knowing Rey wanted him.

“I’m on Luke’s island. Ahch-to. How can I send you the coordinates?” It was a logical question any average individual would ask, but it simply wasn’t right for Ben.

He paused, moving from his chair to kneel before her. “You don’t need to send me the coordinates. Just show me.”

“I can just send you them, you know. What if you make a mistake and get lost and-“ He cut her off by placing his hands on her shoulders and staring into her eyes.

“Trust me. I won’t. Just show me. You need to realize how powerful the Force is,” Ben said, his tone very serious. He needed to show her what she was capable of and how truly extraordinary their powers were. They weren’t normal. They shared a connection not only with each other but with the very soul of the universe. What they could do transcended all natural laws and broke every barrier in its path. If Rey had finally realized that what she could do was worth more than becoming the mascot for a scattered group of misguided individuals, then she needed to start to realize the full extent of her powers.

Rey still couldn’t take him seriously. It’s not that she didn’t believe in the Force or herself, but she felt something like this needed to be more concrete and apparent. Her life had never revolved around feelings or emotions, and she didn’t think it would be wise to start now. When you started to ignore reality and focus on what you _thought_ or what you _felt_ like was the good idea, mistakes were made; and mistakes easily lead to disaster.

“I don’t understand, do I need to show you my navicomputer or-?” she trailed off, not believing what he was telling her.

“No, Rey. Close your eyes. Allow your surroundings to speak to you through the Force. I will hear them.”

“Is that really how the Force works?” she asked, still sceptic. It sounded so childish to her, but she realized that it wouldn’t hurt to try. It wasn’t like she was traveling anywhere; if he got lost it would be his own fault for not using proper navigating methods.

Ben moved his hands from her shoulders to her cheeks and leaned in closer. “Just show me, and you’ll find out.”

The woman sighed and closed her eyes, trying to do as Ben instructed her. Slowly, she allowed herself to slip into the Force she felt around her, though it was proving to be difficult with Ben being so near. He wasn’t blocking her powers, but his close proximity and the warmth from his hands was slightly distracting. She hadn’t noticed before, but his grip was gentle and comforting. Rey felt herself relax into it and allowed her own thoughts to fall away.

Little by little, what few details she could see of his surroundings began to melt away and were replaced by her own. It was close to sunset, and the island was slowly settling down for the night. There was an air of peace and tranquility, despite the pounding surf and harsh rocks near the sea. This island had a heartbeat, Rey realized, and she couldn’t help but feel drawn into it. She felt herself falling deeper and deeper into her meditation when she remembered the last time she tapped into the island’s energy. She was still afraid of the darkness that existed here and didn’t want to be drawn into it again. Panic snapped her out of it and she opened her eyes, panic flooding her senses.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, are you okay? Do you have what you need?”

It took her a moment to realize she wasn’t speaking to anyone and the Force connection had been broken.

Anxiety pooled in her stomach. Worst case scenario was that he got lost and had to travel back to wherever he was, but she was looking forward to seeing him. Rey hoped he would be able to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Comments make my life, so if you're reading this and enjoying it feel free to let me know! Many thanks to my wonderful beta Ardea and all her suggestions, seriously if you're reading this you ROCK and I am so thankful to have you as my beta! To all my readers, MTFBWYA and hope you are having a lovely day/night.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey must have fallen asleep waiting for Ben to arrive. She had made the hut she had been using as a shelter as welcoming as possible, but suspected it still wouldn’t hold a candle to what he was used to. She was painfully aware of how simple her life was next to his, and hoped that it didn’t bother him. He had been raised by former royalty and political legends; Rey had raised herself on scraps and other people’s junk. She longed for assurance that he was genuine when he said she mattered to him he meant it; that it wasn’t some cruel joke he was playing on her.

She was pulled from her drowsy state (when exactly did she lie down?) when she felt a familiar presence near. It was somehow different than when the Force connected them, but it was still unmistakably Ben. She emerged from her hut, searching for him in the darkness. Her shelter was at the top of a large hill, and there was no way he would be able to land anywhere near. Rey ducked back into the hut to grab her staff and poncho, stirring some of the embers in the fire she had built in an effort to rekindle the flames.

\--

Ben was beside himself with anxiety as he approached the system Rey was currently residing in. He wasn’t sure how he had managed to get himself this far, but he’d be damned if he was unable to see his Scavenger ( _when did she become his?)_  because he carelessly crashed his ship on the unfamiliar terrain.

Why was he this nervous? He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order, currently the most powerful organization in the galaxy. Being the leader made him the most powerful _man_ in the galaxy, so why was he sick with worry?

_Because things went so well the last time you saw her, idiot._

He brushed the thought  away, though a small part of him knew it to be true.

He approached the surface of the mountainous island and searched for an appropriate place to land his ship. He spotted what could only be Rey’s vessel and breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t the Falcon. Ben was already on edge without his father’s memory haunting him as well.

Carefully, Ben initiated the landing sequence and finally allowed himself to relax when he was safely docked. He could feel her warm Force signature on the island, and wondered if she could feel his as well. As if the Force heard his question, he noticed a figure that could only be Rey descending a rocky staircase fifty yards or so north of his position. Ben powered down his TIE Silencer and moved to exit the cockpit, his anxiety fading the nearer she got.

This was Rey. His equal. There was no reason to be scared. 

\--

Rey saw him exit the ship as she reached the bottom of the stairs and jogged over to his position. His presence was all encompassing and she felt overwhelmed by it at first, but soon found a sense of calm in it.

This was Ben. He wasn’t going to hurt her.

“Hi,” came Ben’s greeting, his low voice soothing any anxiety she may have had left.

“Hi,” replied Rey, looking up at him with a ghost of a smile on her face. “I’m staying at the top of this hill, it’s not much but it’s all I have right-“

“I’ll follow you, then,” he interrupted her, not caring about the modesty of her accommodations. She was here. That’s all that mattered.

“Okay,” she half whispered, a true smile blooming on her face.

This was the right choice, Rey was certain.

 

 

“Do you want anything? I have some rations and a little bit of that whisky left...” Rey trailed off as they made the short trek to her hut.

_You._  

“Me?” she asked, hoping to confirm what she heard was real and that she wasn’t going insane.

“I’ve searched the galaxy for this, Rey,” Ben told her, the sincerity apparent in his words and upon his face.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Ben,” Rey replied, having an idea of exactly what it meant but wanting to hear him say it himself.  Her stomach was doing flips and she could feel a blush rising on her cheeks, but she wanted to make sure she understood what he said. Rey was tired of playing games and things being so complicated between them. The two of them shared something that should allow communication to be easy and natural, and yet they both found a way to mess things up every chance they got.

They entered her hut and stood near the doorway, not exactly sure of what to do with themselves.  They had never spent this much time _physically_ together, and Rey couldn’t help but notice how tall he was compared to her and how he almost had to slouch to fit comfortably in her hut. She couldn’t help but stare at him, trying to take in every detail. Though she was able to see him through their Force Bond, she had never really looked at him before. His gaze met hers and she looked away, suddenly feeling very awkward having realized she had been staring at him.

“Belonging. Purpose. Someone who understands me,” he explained. “Snoke claimed he did, but in reality, all he did was use my weakness to his advantage without ever giving me what I wanted.” Ben moved closer to Rey as he spoke and she didn’t back down. “You and I, we are two sides of the same coin. We both understand what the other feels like without having to even try. It’s destiny, Rey.”

She was suddenly aware of how _warm_ he was. Both his actual body and his presence. Rey realized that even if she found herself back in a desert, she was sure she would want this warmth with her.  

Kylo Ren might be surrounded in darkness, but Ben Solo was full of warmth.

He must have heard these thoughts through the bond because he shook his head. “Ben Solo is dead. You need to understand that if we are to move forward with whatever this is. He’s gone. He’s not coming back.”

Rey shook her head at his words and gestured between the two of them. “Kylo Ren wouldn’t be here right now.” She hesitated before continuing, knowing how harsh what she was about to say would sound. “Kylo Ren isn’t capable of understanding and empathy. He’s cold, dark, and full of hate.” He said nothing in response, his face like stone.  “Maybe Kylo Ren is dead too,” she finished.

He closed the distance between the two of them and stroked her cheek with a gloved hand, his face still unreadable. “Maybe,” was his only response as his brown eyes locked with hers . “There are two things I’m sure of in this moment, Rey. One is whoever it is that is here with you has never felt more at ease. Whoever this is, is who I want to be,” Ben confessed, his face moving closer to hers.

Rey gave a small nod in response and glanced lower to his lips. _The second is this._ Came his voice through the bond as he slowly leaned into her, giving her ample time to pull away should she decide to.

Rey’s only response was closing the distance between them and pressing her lips against his.  His other hand found her face and she pressed her body closer to his, her own small hands finding their homes on his large chest. It was chaste and too short lived, but he pulled away first, dropping his hands to her shoulders and lazily thumbing circles into her tender skin. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, very content and very warm.

“Will you stay?” She asked quietly.

“Yes,” he replied, pulling her closer to his body.

Whoever this man was (Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, or someone in between), she never wanted him to leave.

The two stood there for a moment, relishing the peace and calmness that flowed freely between them. For the first time in her entire life, Rey did not feel alone. Having him here, actually _here_ in the same room as her was like nothing she had ever experienced before. She felt wanted. She felt valued. She felt like if she opened her mouth to say something he would hear every word she had to say. Geuilt bloomed in her belly, but ignored it . Why should she feel guilty? The man who was embracing her had given her everything by just showing up tonight. She had never felt this sort of peace anywhere in her life, not even with the Resistance. And to be fair, the Resistance had never tried to give her a home. It had given her a job and a purpose, yes, but never a sense of belonging.

He was her home now. And she was never letting go.

As if he heard her thought, Ben squeezed her tighter. She felt his peace through the bond, and couldn’t imagine being anywhere but here, right now, with him.

“Why did this happen?” she wondered out loud.

“If you keep asking me questions I don’t have answers to you’re going to think I’m an idiot. I don’t know, Rey. But can’t it just be enough for right now?” He sounded like he had asked himself the same question at some point before and had given up trying to figure out an answer.

The brunette nodded into his chest before pulling away, taking his hand and guiding her to her cot. It was pathetically small and she knew if he intended on staying the night here they would have to figure something else out.

“Bold of you to assume I’m spending the night, Scavenger,” he joked, a smile playing on his lips.

“You’ve got to stop doing that, you know. Reading my mind. It’s not polite.” Rey really should be more upset with him, but she had come to trust that he wouldn’t intentionally invade her mind again. There was mutual respect between them now, and she had decided that whatever the Force had decided they should share, there was no sense in fighting it.

He rolled his eyes and sat down, pulling her into his lap. “Well maybe if you accepted my offer to teach you, I could show you how to properly block your thoughts,” he retorted, nuzzling his way into her neck.

Rey positively _melted_ into him, his warm breath sending chills down her spine. “Mmm. Later. Do you want a drink?”

“Yes. But not if it means you have to get up.”

She rolled her eyes and slithered away, missing the warmth his body had been giving her. She removed her poncho and went to pour two glasses of her whisky (she really needed to head somewhere to buy more) and returned to the cot. Handing him a glass, she sat down on the bed, her legs crisscrossed and her body facing his.

Ben moved to angel his body to face her and Rey took a small sip of her drink before speaking. “You can’t leave the First Order.”

It wasn’t a question, but he felt the need to nod. “No. Not now, probably not ever. I have a duty to them. Obligations and a role I need to play. Not to mention I have a goal I intend to achieve.” _There’s also the fact they would kill me for desertion._ It was a dark thought, but one that was a distinct possibility. Once you were in the First Order, you couldn’t just leave. The same rules applied to him, being Supreme Leader did not make him above the laws.

She nodded her own head before continuing. “I can’t join you, then. And no, not because of any struggle between the darkness and the light, so don’t even start. Someone decided to pin Snoke’s murder on me. Can’t imagine who.”

Ben looked away, not quite embarrassed by his own actions but somewhere close to that. “Yeah. I’m sorry, ” he said honestly. “I messed up. I never thought…after you left I was so _angry_ Rey. I thought I had finally found someone who was like me, and then you left.”

She raised her brows and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you did fuck up. But you can’t blame that on me.”

“Is that all you took from what I said?” he asked, not sure why she had chosen to ignore his feelings of abandonment.

“Kind of. At least you can admit it though. I just am wondering…where this leaves us?” It was a valid question, and one he really didn’t have the answer to. Ben knew he wanted Rey around, but he couldn’t leave his current position to be with her. He knew it wasn’t fair to her to ask her to betray the only other source of happiness she had known, but he hoped he might be worth enough for her to at least consider it.

Ben sighed and took a long drink from his glass, trying to work something out in his head. Before he could reply, Rey continued.

“I mean it’s not like I can just waltz aboard your ship and be like ‘Hey everyone, girl who supposedly killed your former leader here. See this?’” She grabbed Ben’s hand and held it between the two of them, making a show of her example. “’Yeah, this is a thing now. Get used to it.’”

“I mean, we could,” he suggested. “If we gave it a few months, let things die down a bit. I could arrange something.” He knew it was a bit of an extreme example and she had meant it to be a joke, but there was logic in her thoughts.

She dropped his hand and cradled her glass with both. “No, I don’t think I could do that. I was just kidding. The Resistance would…” she trailed off, not really sure what the Resistance would do. She didn’t want to become their enemy, but she also didn’t want to be without Ben. Rey realized how selfish that was, but surely something could be figured out.

“I know, but there’s some truth in it. You’re one of the most powerful Force users in the Galaxy, Rey. You could do anything you wanted,” he said, scooting closer and placing a hand on her leg. “And damn the Resistance. They aren’t taking you from me. Never again.”

She rolled his eyes at how dramatic he was being, but appreciated his feelings regardless. “Yeah but, and don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not you. I don’t want to scare people into liking me.” Rey ignored his comment about the Resistance, deciding it wasn’t worth the fight tonight. They were finally together, for real, and she didn’t want to spend their whole time arguing.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “People don’t like me Rey. But they do obey me.”

“I like you.”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. _What a terribly juvenile thing to say,_ She thought to herself.

Ben chuckled, giving her a genuine smile. “I know. I like you too.” He took another drink, having finished his glass before Rey had even put a dent in hers. She drank as well, but there was still a good amount of liquid left. The woman took the object from his hands and leaned over the edge of the bed to place them both onto the floor.

“Just don’t kick them over if you get up. I’m still drinking mine,” Rey instructed, scooting closer to the dark haired man and wedging herself between his legs. She turned her body so her back was resting on his chest and leaned back, staring up at him through her lashes. A yawn escaped from her mouth and she covered it with her hand, apologizing. “I’m just kind of tired.”

“Me too. We connected this morning and I flew most of the day to get here. Do you know what time it is on this planet?”

She shrugged, glancing out one of the small windows. “It was near sunset when I asked you to come. It’s probably close to dawn now.”

Ben moved so that his back was against the wall at the head of the cot and rested against it. Rey moved with him, not wanting to break the physical connection between them. He laced his fingers together and rested his hands on her stomach, Rey placing her own on top.

_Sleep?_

Neither were sure who’s idea it had been, but they soon slipped into a deep slumber, comforted by each other’s presence.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry this took forever and a day to update! I work in education and the time between Thianksgiving and Winter break is always so hectic! I hope I still have a few readers out there! 
> 
> Many, many thanks to my beta Ardea! As always she takes my dumpster fire and turns it into readable literature. 
> 
> With Winter Break just around the corner (3...more...days...) I should have more time to get some editing and writing done! In the mean time if you wish to chat I'm still lurking on the writing den as Alphie, or you can find me on tumblr (if my account didn't get deleted lol). 
> 
> Happy holidays, all!

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 3 is live! Thanks to my beta, Ardea for all her wonderful work! Happy Thanksgiving to those in the US! Added a mood board for CH 2! If you want to chat I'm alphie in TWD and khaleesireys over on Tumblr! MTFBWYA


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